Three Months and Counting

At the civil affairs office on Gotcha Day, the first time we met each other...our first family photo.

When I thought about getting Luke, I knew it would be different than Abi, but I still imagined it being full of life and joy. I imagined myself immediately being in love with Luke, especially in the ways a mother would love her child. Who wouldn’t be completely in love with a darling 18-month old? Especially when he is your son, though through adoption? Especially when he was once an orphan, abandoned by the side of a highway, and now you get to be his mom, nurturing, loving and caring for him? It felt like establishing our new relationship would be like it was with Abi: effortless. I was not prepared for the work that it would take. Yes, all parent/child relationships take work, but that work comes from an already-established place of deep love. I had this with Abi immediately. Those who have been pregnant with their children have said that they have this immediately with their children. And yet, it was not there with Luke. It is one thing to be continents apart from each other and not feel the love of a mother/child (like when we were matched). It is another thing to be actually holding my child and feel the same thing: distance.

We had to work for it. I frankly didn’t like him. It sounds so terrible to say that. I feel so bad saying it, and for feeling it. I was supposed to be the bigger person, the one that could even “fake it till I make it”. But I couldn’t. It certainly wasn’t going to be him pressing for our relationship, nor should it be. And yet, I struggled minute by minute. I didn’t think he was that cute. (I know, this all sounds terrible.) He screamed with a type of shriek that was got under your skin and made you feel a certain type of infuriation, especially since it was almost every single hour unless he was sleeping. When he was screaming, he had a dull whine that was happening on a constant basis. He was teething and he had a diaper rash. He wouldn’t eat hardly anything, and if you tried to feed him, he would scream or hit you. Yet when he would feed himself, most things would just end up all over him and all over us. He didn’t like Abi. He would scream at her and hit her. He was grieving, and as much as I didn’t like him, he didn’t like me, or anyone in our family. He was making that clear! He did like Andrew from time to time, definitely more than Abi or me.

In our hotel in China together, for the first time.

The first few weeks of having Luke, there was a few nights that I cried myself to sleep while staring at Abi. I longed to be just with her again. I was mourning the fact that it wouldn’t just be the two of us anymore. She and I are so close and we had such fun together. I call her my soul mate. I remember our first 10 minutes together on Gotcha Day. She let me pick her up, and I began to sing to her, “Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly, and the dreams that you dreamed of, dreams really do come true.” We locked eyes in that moment, and never looked back.

I had to embrace Luke. I had to press through the feelings that I had, and I needed to be the bigger person. I had to be the mama! He needed me to be his mama. I had to look at him in the midst of his screaming and hitting, and say, “I choose you, Luke. I choose to love you. I choose to care for you. You matter to me. Our paths were chosen to be together. We are going to make it through this. Love will find a way!” And I had to make that choice not once, not twice, but 10,000 times.

Three months, and 10,001 choices later, our hard work has truly paid off. I am so deeply in love with this little boy that it is almost laughable to think about how I felt before. He is the absolute cutest little boy I have ever seen in my life. His smile is addictive; his laugh will make even the most pessimistic person feel like life is great. He is a hip little guy and I have a feeling that he is going to be one cool cat in this world. He loves his sister, adores his Baba, and is best friends with our dog, Cooper. And let me tell you something: he loves his mama like bees love nectar. And he gets quite angry if he sees anyone else in my arms!

I love this kid so much that there are times I’ve actually walked away from a crowd with him just to give him a bigger squeeze; to take another moment to let him know that he has my heart. I am blessed beyond measure.

I feel like we are winning. We are winning at staying connected; we are winning at caring for each other; we are winning at loving. Luke is a champion to me. Abandoned, and then shown love by his foster family, then taken from them, then chose to trust again, and now he is having the time of his life. He is happy, content, funny, quirky, moody, smart and most of all: courageous. Ah, my son. We are family forever. How I love you so.

Happy! This is Luke all the time. Very happy, carefree and easy going.

Can you say, hipster?

Luke and Andrew have such a special bond, they love each other so much!

Cooper and Luke: best buddies!

I am so proud of Abi. She too has pressed through and found a deep spot in her heart for Luke. She loved him instantly, but was disappointed that he didn’t love her instantly. She also wasn’t fond of sharing us with Luke. She had a lot to work through. She felt insecure, suddenly unsure of her place in our family. She felt confused by Luke’s lack of joy over her as his sister. I watched her try every day to connect with him. I also watched her try to believe that nothing has changed in our hearts for her. But it was really hard for her, no matter how many times we told her we loved her, or how many parties we threw “just for Abi, just because.” She threw more tantrums in the first month and a half of having Luke in our family, then the three years combined of us being a family together. Literally, I’m not kidding. And now? She is free again. She knows she’s loved. She knows she’s the big sister, yet always our little girl. She knows she has a new friend and brother, and she doesn’t mind sharing us with him. She loves our new family. She dressed up for Harvest (Halloween) this year as Wonder Woman. So fitting. She is indeed Wonder Woman.

Mama/Daughter date to the Balloon Stampede!

Abi and her best friend Ada in their preschool fall program.

Abi playing the drum in her preschool fall program; her dear friend Ella is on her right.

Abi's self-portrait from preschool!

Wonder Woman!

We are settling in as the new Robinson family. And I would say not just settling, but thriving. I love who we are becoming together. I love that God put us all together. I love my passionate Abi and my silly Luke. I love my husband who holds us all together. We have chosen to love, and no matter what the wild ride may be, we will live in that choice. After all, we are family!

Family forever!

The Way Home

The time had come, and we were ready, to start our new life together in Walla Walla. On Monday, Aug. 17, we arrived at the Hong Kong airport at 8:45 a.m. and boarded our 13-hour flight to Seattle at 11:15 a.m. It was an uneventful flight, thank the Lord, with very minimal screaming and unfortunately very minimal sleep. And by very minimal, I mean Andrew did not get any sleep; Abi slept for two hours and Luke slept for five. It was very interesting entertaining an 18-month old for eight hours on an airplane, and when there was turbulence most of the time and we couldn't even walk around! But, we made it. I was just so grateful that Luke chose to not grace the passengers with his beautiful set of lungs.

Luke having some fun before we board the plane for the long flight.

Ummmmm, Luke?

Ready for our long trip to Seattle!

In Seattle, on our way to Immigration and USCIS!

We had a three-hour layover in Seattle, and we needed it. Luke became an official US citizen right there at the immigration and USCIS offices! Everything felt so official, and it truly was. We hopped on the short 50-min plane ride to Walla Walla and were greeted at the airport by several friends and family members. What a joy to see all of them and introduce them to Luke! Even though Luke was tired, he cracked a bit out of his shell and people got to see a hint of the ham that he is. I felt like a bazillion bucks holding that sweet treasure in my arms.

Since we've been home, Luke continues to be all smiles. It doesn't feel like we've only had him for 2.5 weeks. It feels like it's been from the beginning. China was so difficult. I had to dig deeper than I've ever dug before. To meet a child, become his mom, give him love, calm his fears—it was a task I thought I was ready for, but I was not. I wasn't ready because I didn't have Luke. Yet together, he and I made it through. We locked eyes and never looked back. Yes there was the mourning, yes there was the frustrations, yes there was the pain, but never was there the chosen option to disconnect. We stayed connected, and that connection strengthened with each concerted effort to not let go.

Today I feel incredibly close to this little boy. Where he initially did not want my skin touching his, he now does not let me go. He is constantly putting his hands on my skin, even inspecting my hands, eyes, nose, mouth, arms. He pulls me close and lays his head on my chest. He reaches for Baba and calls for him often. He plays with big sister and is even getting used to our dog, Cooper. He smiles and makes us laugh; he imitates us and talks (OK, yells) our ears off. He walks with a new confidence—a confidence that says, "I belong," and looks at us with a twinkle in his eye. Who is this boy? He is our son!

On our way home from the Walla Walla aiport

Luke playing in his room...this is his favorite to so far!

First breakfast at home...all smiles!

Playing outside with Jeijei (big sister). They are so cute together. Luke loves being outside!

Love his little body!

Warming up to Cooper

Luke's first time swinging at our neighborhood park.

He loved it!

Our first walk/run together...

...with many more walks ahead. I love this journey with you, Luke!

Disneyland and Beyond

Our last weekend in China was in Hong Kong and it couldn't have been any better. For starters, little Luke was about as happy as can be. He would wake up smiling, he would joke with us, cuddle with us, and he was finally eating. There was so much that we got to now see in this little guy who has a big soul. It's official: I am crazy in love with this little boy. And the next great part about our weekend in Hong Kong is that we spent our last day at Hong Kong Disneyland!

Originally, we thought our tickets were for a total of eight hours. The shuttle was picking us up at our hotel at 10 a.m., and we thought they were taking us back around 5:30 p.m. We figured this was enough time at Disney, especially considering the ages of our children and the fact that they wouldn't get naps. Oh, and let's not forget that we still had to pack our stuff for the big trip back to the US the next day! But anyway, we also figured we could take a taxi back and skip the shuttle if we happened to need more time. Well, on the way there, the shuttle representative said that they wouldn't be picking us up until 9:45 p.m.! He said if we wanted to leave earlier, we would need to take the train or taxi. Andrew and I both figured we would take a taxi back. But again, we would wait and see.

On our way to Disney!

Luke and Baba being goofy together

These two little critters are always wanting to sit on my lap, or on me in any which way, at the same time! I love it.

When we arrived and walked down the Disneyland entrance walkway, with Disney music playing, and art hung of famous characters like Winnie the Pooh and Minnie Mouse and all the princesses, and the sheer GLEE on Abigail's face, Andrew and I looked at each other and said, "We are in it to win it. Let's stay the whole day!" And yes we did: 10 a.m. to 9:45 p.m. We had packing to do when we got home, kids to bathe and get to bed, but you know what?! Sometimes you throw caution to the wind because when will ever be at Hong Kong Disneyland again?!

We had a ball. They call Disneyland the "happiest place on earth" and it really is, at least it was for us. It was truly the very best part of our time as a family. It was a picture to me of what God did on this trip: He took despair and turned it into joy, sheer joy.

We spent a lot of time in Fantasyland since the princesses are Abi's favorite. Right when we arrived, after looking at Sleeping Beauty's castle from a distance (the castle wasn't open yet), we headed for the Fantasyland. And who did we run into? Belle and Snow White! Abi was so excited she could hardly stand it. True to Abi, however, when it came time to actually meet the princesses, she was incredibly shy on the outside, yet bursting on the inside. I had to fight back the tears, it was such a sweet moment. Abi said to me later, "Will you write Disneyland a letter and tell them thank-you to the princesses and that we miss them? I want them to know we miss them."

Next in line to meet Belle!

Meeting Belle

Meeting Snow White

We also got to meet these wonderful characters!

Poor little Luke was terrified of Pluto!

Abi and I had fun on her first ride: the big teacups from Alice in Wonderland. She loved it and wanted to spin as fast as we could!

We had fun on the Winnie the Pooh, Buzz Lightyear and Mystic Manor rides too.

Climb into the "hunnypot"!

Pooh Bear's adventure

Tomorrowland and Buzz Lightyear! I wasn't sure how Luke would take this one. We were going on a mission with Buzz Lightyear to defeat the evil emperor Zurg! But Luke loved it. He sat up straight with eyes of wonder the entire time!

Adventureland and Tarzan!

The raft-boat that took us to the island.

Mad scientiest Andrew!

Little man missed a few hours of the sights and adventures. :)

Tarzan jungle tour!

Mystic Manor - a place where collections of old come alive all because a cheeky monkey opened the "music box"!

Random photos...

The Evening Parade

And the Fireworks!

This day was just so amazing. We felt like family. We felt like one unit. We no longer felt like odd parts trying to fit together. We suddenly just fit together. Luke knew he was ours, and Abi, Andrew and I knew we were his. We were a different Robinson, a new Robinson. You know you're in love when you sing "A Whole New World" to your newly adopted child. Yep, that's exactly what I did. The last song during the last Fireworks was "A Whole New World" from the Disney movie, "Aladdin." And yes, I looked right into Luke's eyes at the end and sang with the words as they were being sung, "A whole new world...for you and me." Indeed, it is.