"Luke, I'm your father"

More than a couple of times, Andrew has said to our new son, "Luke, I'm your father." We knew the Star Wars connection would happen, and it might as well begin with us! Good thing Star Wars is my favorite series of all time!

I am so thankful for Andrew. Let’s just say, he puts up with a lot with me. :) I am a huge internal processor and it takes me days, weeks, months and sometimes years to process things. I will literally still be processing something (good or bad) that happened five years ago, still wondering what I think, how I feel about it, how it has changed me, etc. And then I talk with him about it, and he is so gracious to listen. But while I’m processing, I will still sometimes respond out of my emotions that have yet to settle and be at peace. So then I’m moody or distant or angry or overly happy or whatever! And yet, he loves me the same, cares for me the same, remains with me in the place of odd thoughts and immature emotions. “Kindness” would be the word I would use to describe Andrew’s personality.

I learn so much from this loving and caring human. Knowing how he is with me, it has been amazing watching Abi, and now Luke, get to experience Andrew's love. It's actually been the joy of my life in marriage. He cares for Abi in ways that I don’t. He is gentle with her, he is calm with her. He is firm when he needs to be, and also let’s things slide that simply aren’t major things. How does he know to naturally do that? I can be very hard on Abi in just about everything. At night, I actually process my day and think about how I was with Abi. When I know I was too hard on her about something, I have to actually think about how I will respond the next time, and rehearse! Because it doesn't come natural to me to not be intense about everything. Grey area? What's that! I even have to consider what behavior to focus on each week because if I don’t, I will focus on everything in her and completely overwhelm the poor creature. But not Andrew. He comes by it naturally. And he helps me gain perspective when I’ve dug myself down too deep. 

Even tonight, Andrew was once again so gracious with Abi. It was past her bedtime and she could not go to sleep. She was simply too excited for tomorrow, which is Hong Kong Disneyland! In my mind, if she doesn't get enough sleep, she won't enjoy the day as much. So I tell her firmly, "Go to sleep, Abi. I want you to fully enjoy your day tomorrow!" But no, she tosses and turns and blah blah blah. Go to sleep already!, I think to myself. I am feeding Luke his bottle, and hoping he goes to sleep quickly too. We got into Hong Kong at 2:30 a.m. yesterday and after a full day touring Hong Kong today, this mama is tired. Dear children, close those eyes! But what does Andrew do? He crawls into bed with Abi, and he takes her under the covers and they both hide under there like a fort. He says, "Why can't you go to sleep, Abi?" She starts crying and says, "Because I am so excited for Disneyland. I just can't go to sleep, I want it to be Disneyland time!!" My heart melted. And I felt so thankful that Abi has Andrew as her Baba. He got to see inside her heart, and be with her there under the fort with her tears and excitement, experiencing that moment together. All because he was tender and willing to take the time to ask the questions and be present.

And now watching Andrew with Luke... He has been brave, compassionate, kind, understanding and peaceful. When I am trying to calm Luke down, Andrew will say, “Is he hungry?” and I’ll give him some food and Luke will settle. I tend to think into the depths of the soul…what is happening deep within this child? (And not that Andrew doesn't think deeply, because he certainly does, much more than anyone realizes.) Many times there is a lot going on in that little soul of our son. But other times, it’s simply, “I’m hungry.” Or, “I’m thirsty.” Or, “Change my diaper for crying out loud…I’ve peed in it 18,000 times now!” Andrew has been telling me these last 12 days, “Think basic needs first, then go from there.” He is so right.

All of this in the midst of him being the primary person to care for Abi on this trip, to take care of our money, to plan our days, and order our food (or pick-up take-out), etc. Some days (most days) he is tired, but he remains positive and keeps us going. What an anchor to my soul! What an anchor to all of our Robinson souls.

Here is what amazes me. When Andrew is calm and kind with Luke, it isn’t because he feels totally awesome and is like, “I got this. Watch and learn people, watch and learn.” He himself feels tired and impatient, and frankly just wants Luke to stop screaming. But there he is – expressing compassion to little Luke so Luke knows that his Baba loves him and isn’t going anywhere. Many times Luke has rejected Andrew, but Andrew just keeps on reaching in to Luke’s space, to Luke’s heart. And the times when Andrew can see that I need a break from Luke’s crying, he will take Luke and he’ll put Chinese worship music on, and just be with Luke. He won't even say a thing to him. He just holds him and rubs his back, and is simply with him. Andrew will tell me, “Just go in the other room and don’t worry about a thing.” And I don’t worry about a thing. Not because Luke stopped crying. But because Luke is with his Baba.

Andrew absolutely loves Luke. He notices every little thing about him. Luke is already his little buddy, and he talks to him as such. He loves Luke's smile and his active personality. He loves that when Luke is in the stroller, he sits straight up and holds on to the bar in front of him...he won't lay back and chill because he wants to see and hear everything. He loves the little faces he makes. Probably most of all, Andrew loves being tender with Luke. He knows that he has been through a lot, and he loves giving love to a little boy that has experienced far more than anyone should experience. Andrew told me last night (while cuddling our tired and sad little boy), "When you get frustrated with him, just remember all that he has been through." 

Andrew absolutely loves having a daughter, and now he loves having a son. He loves saying, "Our kids" and has said to me a few times, "We have two kids!" Andrew loves having a family, and our kids love having him as a Baba. And I love having him as my husband. He makes us laugh, gives me more love than I deserve and gives our children the love they truly need; shares his wisdom, and keeps our eyes focused on what could be.